Pushing Others Aside...

I MUST do this...
I had a really hard time but I really accepted it and took the first step this weekend. I am still digesting what I did today. Today, I broke off my 6 year relationship and started a new year in the best friendship the world could offer. We are still on good terms and still the BEST of friends, but I am doing this completely to focus better on going back to school and being there for my family. I seriously feel like someone popped my lungs with a needle and the air is escaping my chest but I need to do this... I am not looking for a relationship nor do I need one. I just need to be home with my family and re-focus my plan on my life.

We may still be staying friends but I am going through the notions of a regular breakup. My chest hurts, I feel like crying all the time, I am trying to stay strong so people wont detect anything..I just cannot have distractions while I am going to be doing school work. I am afraid terribly that I may be making the wrong choice. I just want to figure out what I want to do for my career. I CANNOT stand working at a freaking grocery store for the rest of my life! I want to do something I enjoy, something I can say I love doing.

I will go to college for my basics at first, then go from there. I feel overwhelmed just thinking about having to deal with financial aid and the books and studying omg I feel so overwhelmed already!! I am getting way too ahead of myself already though..I still have 6 months left in my lease and will remain here in beautiful San Antonio until then. I am seriously getting the worst feelings in my stomach that this might be a mistake, but I know that if I am this homesick now, it will only get worse. I need my family.

Anyway. gonna continue going through and boxing up some stuff I know I wont need. I love you all.
Cassie