Thursday, March 6, 2014

-----------------I want to run away--------->

Not Forever --
Just for a little while. I want to go to a place where no one can find me, where no cell phone service is available. A place where no people are, just me, myself, and my thoughts. I imagine my secret hiding place to be a cabin by a lake with cherry blossoms all around. I, also, imagine little ducklings on the pond with koi fish swimming in the lake, and kittens running around the fields. I imagine peace, tranquility, and serenity.
I wish I could really find this place. I feel like I am running a thousand miles a minute without any time to really think things through. The days are just flying by like water through my hands. I live at work now, and I mean the hours and money is good and all...but I am loosing myself more and more each passing day. I want to escape....
I just want to get away from society, bills, work, worries, my imperfections, my mistakes, life. I want to go to a place where time and space stand still - a place where I can stare up at the stars and become overwhelmed with their beauty.
I am not saying I don't have support or people to talk to. I just simply do not want to talk anymore. I did years of talking in therapy with counselors and mentors. I don't want to talk or express what is going on in my head. I just want to empty my brain and have nothing happen in there. I just want to be alone...
I know it probably sounds selfish or stupid, but thats what I want. I want to just....run away. Run away from responsibility, from caring, from food, from cigarettes, from alcohol, from dark thoughts, I want to run and never look back. I don't think anyone can help me right now. I have been stuffing this down my throat for years now. Since I was 17. I think it is time I just separate myself from everything, and just disappear.
I do realize I put on such a show...I don't think anyone knows what is going on in my head, and I dont think I know either. I really want to get rid of this side of me that eats away at my soul. I just want to be free--

I know I will get better soon....this too shall pass.
Cassie
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2 comments:

  1. UnknownMarch 6, 2014 at 2:17 PM

    Cassie, yes, it does pass. The 20's are ROUGH. I was in the exact same place you are in right now. Being on your own....the first few years...well....it's a trial by fire. Hang. In. There. One hour at a time, if need be. It DOES pass and it DOES get better. By later 20's/30's you suddenly wake up from this...funk. I promise. If you can afford, do what you say. Take a few days and just go somewhere by yourself. I used to do that, go to the beach, rent a cheap ass motel room and just sit on the beach and think and write, by myself for a few days.

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    1. UnknownMarch 8, 2014 at 7:41 AM

      I am beginning to realize that more and more. The 20's are a huge trial and error period in life. I really just wish I could wake up from this already. I am going to start saving money so I can escape for a little while. I want to spend some much needed time alone. Thank you Ann Hannah

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