&& I found God --

I often overwhelm myself with deep thoughts and concerns. 

I know I shouldn't, yet I still do it. I wonder why do these things happen to me, why would God allow these things to happen and why do I let them bother me? Why do I dwell on the past so much, when I should just be focused on the present & look to the future? Why do I allow other peoples actions to affect me so much? Why Why Why?

STOP. I need to just STOP and freeze in this moment. I was put on this Earth for a reason, and even though the purpose is not clear to me yet, I will find it. I need to stop crying because the tears wont get me anywhere, I need to stop being bitter because the past doesn't change. I need to stop feeling bad for myself because all my trials, errors, and pain will help me reach others who have suffered as I have. I need to let go, and just dive in.

I need to find my God again. My faith has been so shaky and nearly non-existent since I moved away from home. I miss my deep conversations with God, and reading his word with nothing in my mind beside how will I impact the world with my actions today? How will I make just one person smile today? How will I get that one person to open up and share their burdens with me, for them to know they are not on this road alone?

I need God more then ever now. I need him to help heal me, and get me strong again. I need to let this wall I have built come crashing down. I need to stop putting up such a strong front and allow people to see me for who I really am. God, I know there is a reason why I am here right now, show me please.

I am tired of making excuses for my actions the past few months. I am tired of thinking my pain and worries are the worst problems in the world. I am ready to be humbled and lay my life down before the Lord. I am ready to just give my all. Why live a life without God, when He gave me the life I am living? I am ready, Lord. Use me.

I already feel stronger just by speaking (or typing) these things down. It makes it just that much more real. Now, my goal for the last few months here in Texas are to find my strengths and skills, and to exercise them so I can use them to the best of my ability to further the kingdom of God. I am ready, Lord. Pour your love and compassion into me, because I am ready.

I have never been so ready in my life. Let's do this. 

-Cass