Seriously.
This has been the week and a half from hell. Between traveling a total of 1,200 miles (16 hours), grandma going from bad to worse, all the stress and work and bills. It has really been too crazy!! As many of you know, grandma passed away on Friday, January 31 2014. She put up a good fight and lived a long life. The viewing was February 3, the burial was February 4. I miss her terribly but knowing she is no longer suffering just makes me feel more at ease. I wish she was still here in the flesh but her spirit will always remain.
When I was at the viewing, it was the most off-putting feeling ever. She did not look like the grandma I remembered. She was cold as ice and stiff. It really brought me to tears, and made me think about when I get to that point. I mentioned in an earlier blog that I have a genuine fear of aging and dying. I, also, break down in tears when I catch her scent. It could be someone who smells similar to her or even just the breeze, I cry. I feel like I have slipped into this depression and I really don't want to let anyone in. I say I am fine and I will be okay, but I really feel super depressed. Plus I have barely slept since last Sunday when we got the call saying she was going to pass...My anxiety has been at an all time high.
BUT can we take a moment to admire my new puppy!! I got her on Sunday (Feb 2). I am still thinking of a name for her! ^__^ She is a beagle mix, with probably pitbull or something. She is so sweet and a cuddle bug, but she is super playful and a bit vicious at times :3 I swear she is the most adorable pup I have seen in a while!!! She really is such a sweet heart! <3
I am very happy to be going back to a set schedule as well. This chaos has thrown me off completely from everything. This will be the saddest paycheck in the world. I am also happy to be back to a positive environment *for the most part*. My co-workers go to the moon and back to make me smile, and they always succeed! ^__^ They really do know how to make me forget all my troubles.
On the downside *again* I am sick with the flu :( My head is heavy, my throat sore, my nose congested, sinus pressure, headaches. I am frozen to the bone but I am giving off a lot of heat. I seriously hate being sick, I always am! I feel like everything is just getting to me at once. I took some mucinex and nyquil. I am excited to disappear from the world completely tonight. I am eating chicken noodle soup with saltines as I am writing this blog.
Alas, I feel my eyes getting heavier.
I love you all
XOXO
Cassie
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