My Testimony

Hello World!

I am super new to this whole blogging thing so please spare me! haha! (: I figured nothing better to start a new year with, yes, a new me. SOOO cliche I know. BUT the only way I will be able to start new is to go to the past and see how far I have come in my life. Also, its a great way for people to kinda see why I am the way I am now. 

So....I am the oldest of four children. I was born on May 18, 1992 in Secaucus, New Jersey. My full name is Cassandra McKeown. My mother is Grace Sobrin McKeown, and my father is Denis Michael McKeown. My younger siblings are Amber, Cayla, and Brandon. They are my reason for living. (juuust saying--)

I always had a weight problem ever since a young age, and always had low self esteem. My parents did their best to keep me above water when it came to depression. I went to countless councilors...That was helpful now that I look back, but  as a young rebel, i thought it was pointless.

I was that "emo" kid. I know its a shocker to anyone who met me after my dark times. I am always so cheerful(ish) and I can make ANYONE laugh. It's a promise. I used to indulge myself in cutting and suicide thoughts. Why? I honestly cant think of a good enough reason now that I have matured. Being bullied was a huge part of it. Wanting to be accepted, my weight, and constantly thinking I was ugly. It's so silly now that I think about my younger self. I wish I could have slapped her across the face and say just wake up! it gets so much better!

I did dip into drugs at the age of 15. Motivation to that?? Oh I would have to say maybe wanting to be accepted and the way I just could get lost in it. I never wish anyone the experience I had with cocaine. I am honestly so glad I am alive. My mother saved my life. I did way too much, more then anyone should ever have. I didn't want to try to kill myself, I just wanted to be skinny. I was trying to find the easy way out...silly Cassie. I almost didn't make it. and it took FOREVER to regain my parents trust, something I never ever wanted to do.

I also was a victim of bulimia. The act of binging and purging.  To eat food and shortly after, throw it up before it is consumed by your stomach. The illusion to make people think your eating but to really get no nourishment. I grew out of this after a year of doing this. Why waste of food when others are unfortunate. So I began starving myself.

I also get questioned so often as to why I chose the "lifestyle" I have. To be honest...its a touchy subject but lets just put it out on the plate while everything else is out there. No more skeletons. I am dating a girl because of an experience I had with my ex boyfriend. I was almost raped and I have just forgiven him for that. I was scared to death and thought all guys were probably most likely like that. I know that now they aren't. and NO. I will never date another girl. She is my exception. She was there for me through my darkest times and most traumatizing losses. Especially when I lost my grandfather, Papo. The lesbian lifestyle isn't for me, honestly. She is my BEST friend. We are so comfortable and supportive to each other, I don't think I could imagine my life without her. (Shout out to you Angiebooooo)

I was so unhappy with myself I would do anything to escape myself. from cutting, attempted suicide, drugs, smoking, drinking, and eating disorders. WHAT HAVEN'T I TRIED! I should honestly not even be alive right now. But if I wants alive, I would not have made the friends I have today, not be able to make my family laugh constantly, not make people smile on a daily basis. I am strong. I am proud to say I have overcome it ALL! Not on my own of course. I know that big man I call Father upstairs is a huge part of me still being here. Never ending thank you and praise to you, you really do love all your children.

I currently live in San Antonio, Texas. My family still in New Jersey. Why am I here? Well....I am not sure how to answer that question. I came here for love, stayed for an independent life and friends. I [LOVE] my coworkers. I do miss my family and NJ friends so dearly. But lets be honest...I cant afford a car and apartment on my own up there >_<

Well...That's practically my whole past life in a nutshell...pretty boring, huh?? :P I thank you all for taking the time for reading this boring blog. I just figured the best way for people to really want to get to know me or even understand me, is by hearing from me personally what I have endured to get to where I am now.

I love you all, 

XOXO

Kitty